Teaching Your Children to Work

15 November 2022

Perhaps I can introduce the topic by telling you a story about my grandson, Cannon. Cannon is one of a kind. A few weeks ago, Cannon was telling his parents—our daughter and her husband—that he wanted an electric dirt bike.  Cannon and his cousin, Calvin, live over by the Marriot Center, and they were making money at every home BYU football game by selling candy, drinks, and snacks from their wagon right outside the stadium.  

Kenzie, our daughter, and her husband, Jared, told Cannon that if he kept selling candy bars, by the end of the season, he would have enough money to buy a dirt bike. Initially, Cannon and Calvin worked hard, and were making a significant amount of money. Not bad for a 6 and 4-year-old. However, eventually Cannon began to lose his enthusiasm for working at those BYU games. One day, his mom, our daughter, asked him why he didn’t want to sell anymore snacks and drinks.

Cannon said, “Mom, If I wait until Christmas to get my dirt bike, it will be free because Santa will bring it. Then I wouldn’t have to work at all.” I think Cannon is on to something! Unfortunately, his idea of getting something free for not working is not a new idea.  It has been around for years. Our culture appears to be lazier than any other generation. And why wouldn’t we?  Technology has made our life wonderfully incredible.  And prosperity has made it so that leisure is an optimum goal—not hauling hay from sun up to sun down.

Years ago, I was visiting with Bruce Jones, who, at the time, was the President of the Plano Texas Stake. President Jones shared an opinion with me that I have never forgotten.  He said that he believed that many members of the Church today—and he included youth and adults—are not deeply converted to the gospel—because gaining a testimony, and then becoming converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ, takes much work and effort.

He then related that so many youth and perhaps even adults, have never been taught to work. I believe that. In fact, I know that it is a true principle.  However, work can lead to deep gospel conversion and strong vibrant testimonies.

Here is another experience. My wife Janie comes from one of the strongest families I have ever known.  Her parents were wonderful, and they raised eight incredible kids who are “all in” when it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ. One day, when our children were young, I asked my mother-in-law, “How did you raise such an incredible family.” My mother-in-law did not miss a beat—she didn’t even think about it. She just said, “Complete and total sacrifice.” Yes, to raise strong families; to raise strong, resilient children, will take complete and total sacrifice on the part of their parents—and the children will have to make sacrifices too.

This concept reminds me of something Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said many years ago. In speaking to BYU students, when I was a BYU student, he said:

We speak about excellence a great deal … these days, and, by definition, excellence does not come easily or quickly—an excellent education does not, a successful mission does not, a strong, loving marriage does not, rewarding personal relationships do not. It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part” (President Jeffrey R. Holland, “However Long and Hard the Road,” BYU Speeches, 18 January 1983).

It is true—nothing worthwhile can come to us without significant effort, sacrifice, and patience on our part—that is what work is all about! 

Many years ago, Elder L. Tom Perry taught something that Janie and I believe in, whole-heartedly. He said, “I believe that second only to ensuring that every child receives an understanding of the gospel of our Lord and Savior is teaching them the joy of honest labor” (Ensign, November 1986, 66; emphasis added). As parents, to teach our children to become righteous and hardworking are two of the most noble endeavors in life.

I know that teaching our children to work can be a difficult endeavor. Often, they will try to resist our efforts of teaching them to work hard. Years ago, on a Saturday afternoon, we were doing what our family did on most Saturday afternoons. We were working. In the midst of it all, I noticed that our son was not happy with the work we were doing. 

In fact, if I remember the story in more detail, he was acting quite upset. He kept thinking we were just about done, but I continued to find more things to do! I asked him, “Why are you so mad?” He said something like, “Why do you think?” I asked him for more detail, and my son, who is part cave-man part gorilla, mustered out, “This is so stupid that we have to do all of this.”

In probing a little further, I learned that all his friends were at another friend’s house that day swimming and having a great time together.  I told my son two things. 1) I don’t really care about your friends. As parents, we are not trying to model the work ethic of your friends, which, in my opinion, was not that impressive to me, and 2) What I do care about is that I want you to be the very best missionary that you can be. I want you to be the leader of your mission; I want you to work harder than anyone else. I want you to be the type of missionary that your mission president can trust.

Then I explained, “That’s why you’re taking the garbage out today; that’s why we’re cleaning the garage, and that’s why your mowing—it’s all mission preparation.”

Thankfully, that conversation paid off; it blessed my son through his high school life in both academics and sports; it blessed him to be the type of missionary I always hoped he would be; it blessed him in his college life, in both academics and sports. And now, that work ethic blesses him today as he runs his own business, and raises his six children with his wife, Amanda, and teaches them the same principles. I do not know anyone my son’s age who works harder than he does. I am grateful that he is teaching his children to be the hardest workers they can be. 

To create a culture of work in your home is not easy, but it may be one of the most worthwhile endeavors a parent can establish.