Episode 05: The How’s of Work
Many of Our Teens Are Not Working:
Consider this:
In the 1970s, only 22% of high school seniors did not work for pay at all during the school year, but by the 2010s, 44% did not work.
Fewer teens have summer jobs. In 1980, 70% had a summer job. That number sunk to 43% in the 2010s.
In case you are thinking, “That’s because there’s not enough jobs,” you are wrong. The number of teens who do not want a job has doubled. And that is the problem.
Every place in town has a sign up that says, “Help wanted.”
Since 2000, the percent of teens working jobs has fallen from 43 percent to 27.5 percent
The share of teens participating in the labor force peaked 40 years ago and has declined ever since. In 1979, nearly 60% of American teenagers were employed, an all-time high.
Today, just over one-third, or 35%, of teens between the ages of 16 and 19 are part of the workforce” (Jessica Dickler, “Why So Few Teenagers Have Jobs Anymore,” CNBC, 6 October 2019).
For those of you thinking, “Well, that’s because more teenagers are involved in extracurricular activities,” that’s also wrong.
“Time spent on student clubs and on sports/exercise has changed little over time” (Jean M. Twenge, Igen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, [New York: Atria Books, 2017], 31).
And for those who think, “Well, that’s because they are doing more homework than previous generations,” that’s wrong too.
iGen 8th, 10th, and 12th graders actually spent less time on homework than previous generations.
“iGen teens are spending less time on homework, paid work, volunteering, and extracurriculars combined, not more” (Jean M. Twenge, Igen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, [New York: Atria Books, 2017], 32).
Let’s introduce Ellie, a 16 year-old high school junior.
“I ask her if she has a job, and she says no; she also doesn’t get an allowance.
‘So do your parents buy you the things that you want—is that how it works?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Like usually if I need money they will, like, give it to me or something. Usually I just ask them…’” (Jean M. Twenge, Igen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, [New York: Atria Books, 2017], 34).
So Today, the new phrase among our teens is, “Just Venmo me.”
Elder Neal A. Maxwell stated: “Those who do too much for their children will soon find they can do nothing with their children. So many children have been so much done for they are almost done in” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, May 1975, 102).
The Benefits of Children Working:
There are great benefits that come from teaching our children to work!
Work provides a means for our children to learn self-discipline and be responsible
Talents and skills can be developed that we can use throughout our lives
Work and productivity helps our teenagers become happier and have a high degree of self-worth
Teens can learn to become independent and self-reliant
Work is one of the best ways to help children develop self-worth, competence, and personal satisfaction
Work helps teens become less egocentric and more prone to help and serve others—self denial
Work at home helps enhance family unity, loyalty, and friendship
Work can be fun and exhilarating
Working can allow us to obtain earthy prizes
Hard work puts them in a position to gain a testimony and get converted to the gospel. It is hard for lazy people to get converted—conversion takes work
How to Teach Children to Work:
Be the Example
Teens need to see their mothers and fathers and other significant adults in their lives as hard workers.
When teens grow up watching their parent’s work, they are more likely to emulate a “work” mentality.
Especially if they have a positive relationship with their parents.
However, a lazy parent who lies on the couch and barks out orders is a poor example, and their teens will be the first to see the hypocrisy.
Do they know your “work” stories
2. Work with your Children
Children cannot be expected to work alone.
Sending a young child to clean their room without adult involvement is often counter-productive.
Teens need to work with their parents. In this way, mothers and fathers can model how the job is to be completed.
Moreover, great teaching opportunities and discussions can transpire as children and their parents work together.
3. Expect children to work at an early age
In some families, children begin working as soon as they can walk.
Teens can wash their own clothing, mow the lawn, care for pets, mop, sweep, vacuum, clean bathrooms, dust, and engage in other household chores.
Parents do not have to live on a farm to find work to do for their children
Cardinal Rule of Parenting: Never do anything for your children that they can do themselves
Some parents won’t let their kids in the kitchen because they don’t want them to mess it up
Some dads don’t let their kids touch their tools, and don’t want them anywhere near when they are doing projects because they may mess something up
4. Make work fun
One of the tragedies of our culture is most people equate work with drudgery.
However, work can be fun and exciting.
Find creative ways to make working fun, even if it means dancing like a crazy fool while you work, or throwing a ball, or telling jokes or stories, or getting treats after the work is completed.
During the work, listen to music, talk, make it fun
Afterwards, get treats……
In our family, a typical Saturday morning was working with our children, and then going to get treats at a local store afterward
5. Help your child succeed
Make sure the chores and work you assign are age-appropriate.
You wouldn’t want to hand your four-year-old son a chain saw and instruct him go out into the woods and bring back a Christmas tree.
You can do this by giving them work assignments that are relatively easy at first.
Help them gain confidence by giving them positive feedback, praise, and thanks for the job they completed.
Since rewarded behavior continues, your child will most likely want to work again if they have positive experiences.
Bonus: Create a Need!
Many of our modern youth have absolutely no desire to work—they don’t need to! They have cars, smart phones, IPads, clothes, and money to travel. Who would want to work under those circumstances?
Parents need to learn to create needs.
Discover what your child’s desires are and have them work to gain the needed commodities.
Have them work to help pay for baseball camp, or for an IPhone, or to attend EFY, or even clothing that they want. Teach them that the rewards go to those who work the hardest!
Finally: Hard is Good!
“Hard makes us stronger, humbles us, and gives us a chance to prove ourselves”
“The hard things in our lives should come as no surprise. One of the earliest covenants we make with the Lord is to live the law of sacrifice”
“Hard is part of the gospel plan. One of the purposes of this life is for us to be proven”
“In the world of nature, hard is part of the circle of life. It is hard for a baby chick to hatch out of that tough eggshell. But when someone tries to make it easier, the chick does not develop the strength necessary to live” (Elder Stanley G. Ellis, “Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good,” Ensign, November 2017).
“Before this calling I was a financial consultant in Houston, Texas. Most of my work was with multimillionaires who owned their own businesses.
“Almost all of them had created their successful businesses from nothing through lots of hard work.
“The saddest thing for me was to hear some of them say that they wanted to make it easier for their children.
“They did not want their children to suffer as they had. In other words, they would deprive their children of the very thing that had made them successful” (Elder Stanley G. Ellis, “Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good,” Ensign, November 2017).
Parents; it takes a lot of work to teach your kids to work—parents must put in effort—we don’t live on farms; we must get creative on how to teach them to work;
But in the end, teaching your children to work is a major, worthwhile investment!
Episode 04: The Why’s of Work
A discussion on why it’s important to teach kids to work in order to build strong families and communities
“The frightening disappearance of work as a part of our basic ethic is alarming… Hard work is a blessing from God… I am so grateful for parents who taught me how to work. There was no option in our home. It was an absolute requirement” (Elder F. David Stanley, “The Principle of Work,” Ensign, May 1993).
“I believe that second only to ensuring that every child receives an understanding of the gospel of our Lord and Savior is teaching them the joy of honest labor” (Elder L. Tom Perry, Ensign, November 1986, 66; emphasis added).
Doctrine and Covenants 68:31: The Lord condemns idleness
“If children are raised with a poor attitude about work and do not learn to sustain themselves, they will be weak and dependent as adults.
“They may ultimately become a liability to society instead of making a real contribution” (Elder Gene R. Cook, Raising Up A Family To The Lord, (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1993], 226).
“We speak about excellence a great deal … these days, and, by definition, excellence does not come easily or quickly—an excellent education does not, a successful mission does not, a strong, loving marriage does not, rewarding personal relationships do not. It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part” (President Jeffrey R. Holland, “However Long and Hard the Road,” BYU Speeches, 18 January 1983).
Without work, our children will not learn to govern themselves and to be self-sufficient
Without work, it would be difficult for our children to make good grades and be successful in their schoolwork. Cannot become a good student without a work ethic.
Without work, our children would find it difficult to stay in good, physical condition by exercising, playing sports, or competing by doing something physical. Cannot become a good athlete without a work ethic.
From a spiritual perspective, without a work ethic, how do you gain a testimony of the gospel, become deeply converted, or acquire Christlike attributes. Cannot become a good missionary without a work ethic.
How do you learn to recognize the Spirit, study the gospel, follow living prophets, or become a future mother or father without a work ethic.
The Doctrinal Development of Work:
In 2 Nephi 5:10-27, we learn the value of work from the Book of Mormon. The Nephites began to establish their own society, and the first order of the day was to keep the commandments (verse 10).
As they were obedient to the Lord’s commands, the Lord was with them, and the prospered exceedingly (verse 11).
Under Nephi’s direction, these people also made swords, built buildings, worked with wood, iron, brass, and steel, and lest we forget to mention—they also built a temple in their spare time (verses 14-17).
Because the people were industrious, they were greatly blessed, and they prospered both temporally and spiritually. Likewise, if our youth learn the value or work, they too, will prosper exceedingly.
“Children need to be taught the joy of honest labor and experience the satisfaction which results from seeing a job well done…
“I am shocked as I become aware that in so many homes, many of the children do not know how to make a bed, care for their clothing, squeeze a tube of toothpaste to conserve, turn off lights, set a proper table, mow a lawn, or care for a vegetable garden.
“These simple acts of cleanliness, order, and conservation will bless their lives every day they live and will prepare them to become self-sufficient when they reach an age when they must be out on their own” (Elder L. Tom Perry, “Train Up A Child,” Ensign, November 1988, 74; emphasis added).
Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched. They have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance—all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, May 1975, 101).
“Some young people are amusing themselves to death—spiritual death” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, November 207).
The Why’s of Work
Story told by President Rand Packer of the Missouri St. Louis Mission:
“I would kneel down in front of the transfer board and just pray and plead that the Lord would just send me some missionaries who knew how to work.”
He then related, “I didn’t even care if they had testimonies. I would rather have a missionary who knew how to work and didn’t have a testimony—we could deal with that– than a missionary who had a testimony but did not know how to work.”
A tremendous commentary on the consequences of the pampered generation.
In Jean Twenge’s Book, Igen, her research showed that the happiest teens in America engage often in sports and exercise, religious services, interacting with others on a personal level, and working.
On the other hand, unhappy adolescents spend their days on the internet, on social media, on their computers, and texting.
The same trends bore out with Depression symptoms. The youth who had less depression were engaged in sports and exercise, religious services, in person social interaction, and working.
Depressed adolescents spent more time on the internet and on social media.
“Work is honorable. It is good therapy for most problems. It is the antidote for worry. It is the equalizer for deficiency of native endowment. Work makes it possible for the average to approach genius. What we may lack in aptitude, we can make up for in performance...In the broader sense, work is the means to achieve happiness, prosperity, and salvation. When work and duty and joy are commingled, then man is at his best” (Elder J. Richard Clarke, Ensign, May 1982, 77-79).
Episode 03: Overcoming Anxiety
Anxiety Symptoms:
Heart palpitations
Muscle aches/tension
Shortness of breath
Churning stomach (GI problems)
Fatigue, weak, tired, exhausted
Headaches
Easily startled
Trouble sleeping
Trembling
Breathing rapidly, shortness of breath
Difficulty sleeping
Disproportionate worry
Irritability
Feeling tight, tense, or on “edge”
Feeling of impending doom
Cannot focus or concentrate
Trying to avoid things that trigger anxiety
Hyper focused on worry
Cannot control worry
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One study reported that about 34 percent of the population will be affected by anxiety during their lifetime
Anxiety disorders in women are twice as high as men
Anxiety now is the most common mood disorder, and is highly treatable—yet only 37% receive treatment
An estimated 31.9% of adolescents had any anxiety disorder.
The prevalence of any anxiety disorder among adolescents was higher for females (38.0%) than for males (26.1%).
One study showed that mental health-related emergency room (ER) visits for children aged 12 to 17 increased by 31 percent from April through October 2020.
Students surveyed at seven American universities reported largely negative impacts of COVID-19 on their psychological health and lifestyle behaviors.
Anxiety: A 93.6 percent increase in anxiety from April 2020 over April 2019 for teens ages 13 to 18 years old
Depression: An 83.9 percent increase in depression from April 2020 over April 2019 for teens ages 13 to 18 years old
Recently, researchers at Penn State University were able to discover that over 91 percent of the things we worry about never happen!
So, instead of spending your day, and most of your mental energy worrying about things that are probably never going to happen, focus on the good!
Spend your mental and emotional energy on doing something for someone else, or at least expressing gratitude for the wonderful blessings you have.
“If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.” –Calvin Coolidge
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”—Mark Twain
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President Kevin J. Worthen noted that the command to “Fear Not” is repeated seventy-six times in the scriptures.
[It is critical to] recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather from the adversary” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear,” Ensign, October 1984, 2).
Satan is a great liar; in fact, he is the father of lies (see John 8:44).
“He can whisper ideas into our minds that are full of doubt and fear. Darkness, confusion, doubt, and fear certainly do not come from the Lord, who is full of light and love” (Ogletree, “Conquering Fear with Faith, Hope, and Charity,” Ensign, October 2018).
“Whenever darkness fills our minds, we may know that we are not possessed with the Spirit of God…. When we are filled with the Spirit of God we are filled with joy, with peace, and with happiness, no matter what our circumstances may be; for it is a spirit of cheerfulness and happiness. The Lord has given unto us the gift of the Holy Ghost. It is our privilege to have that Holy Ghost reign within us, so that from morning till night and from night till morning we shall have the joy, the light and the revelation thereof” (President George Q. Cannon, in Brian H. Stuy, comp. Collected Discourses Delivered by President Wilford Woodruff, His Two Counselors, the Twelve Apostles, and Others, 5 Vols. [1987-1992], 4:137; emphasis added).
“We should be on guard always to resist Satan’s advances. He has power to place thoughts in our minds and to whisper to us in unspoken impressions to entice us to satisfy our appetites or desires and in various other ways he plays upon our weaknesses and desires” (Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, Answers to Gospel Questions, (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1960) Vol. 3, 81).
“We are enticed by the good, and we are enticed by the evil….This enticement is just as real as can be, and just as surely as the Lord, by his power, puts good ideas into our minds and entices us by them, so does Satan put evil ideas into our heads and entices us by them…Satan is definitely a revelator, devilish and evil as he is” (As cited in Gerald Lund, “Look Up My Soul: The Divine Promise of Hope,” 120; emphasis added)
“It is Satan who puts hopeless thoughts into the hearts of those who have made mistakes” (Sister Julie B. Beck, “Remembering, Repenting, and Changing,” Young Women’s General Meeting, 24 March 2007).
He (Lucifer) is the one who tells us we are not adequate, the one who tells us we are not good enough, the one who tells us there is no recovery from a mistake. He is the ultimate bully, the one who kicks us when we are down” (Elder Dale G. Renlund, Ensign, November 2018, 105).
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“If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values.
“Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe.
“If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available.
“So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign, November 2013).
“In these latter days, the Lord has provided us with numerous resources, our “brazen serpents,” all of which are designed to help us look to Christ and place our trust in Him. Dealing with the challenges of life is not about ignoring reality but rather where we choose to focus and the foundation upon which we choose to build.
These resources include, but are not limited to:
“Wise counseling through trained professionals.
“And even medication, when properly prescribed and used as authorized” (Bishop W. Christopher Waddell, “Turn to the Lord,” Ensign, November 2017).
“The solutions to life’s problems are always gospel solutions” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “How Do I Love Thee?” BYU Speeches, 15 February 2000).
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Interventions:
#1: Faith in Jesus Christ:
“Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness. It is always given when righteousness is present, and the greater the measure of obedience to God’s laws the greater will be the endowment of faith” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 264; emphasis added).
“There is only one way… to obtain and possess this mighty spirit…which guides the Church today and enlightens every soul, and this is by strictly obeying, with all our might, as far as we poor mortal beings are able, the laws of the Gospel” (John A. Widtsoe, CR, October 1934, 11).
“Faith comes by hearing the word of God” (Joseph Smith, History of the Church 5:355; see Romans 10:17)
“Look unto me in every thought, Doubt not, Fear Not” (D&C 6:36).
We cannot think or focus on two things at the same time—our mind is not capable—focus on Jesus Christ!
“To not take counsel from our fears simply means that we do not permit fear and uncertainty to determine our course in life, to affect negatively our attitudes and behavior, to influence improperly our important decisions, or to divert or distract us from all in this world that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report. “To not take counsel from our fears means that faith in the Lord Jesus Christ overrules our fears and that we can press forward with a steadfastness in Him.
“To not take counsel from our fears means that we trust in God’s guidance, assurance, and timing in our lives” (Elder David A. Bednar, “Fear Not, I am With Thee, Church News, December 26, 2012).
Episodes 02: Traditions
https://ifstudies.org/blog/family-traditions-help-kids-make-sense-of-life
21 Days to a Happier Family:
The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Every Day:
Episode 01: Let’s Do Something
“The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “Families Can Be Eternal,” Ensign, November 1980).
Neil L. Andersen Story: “Prophets and Spiritual Mole Crickets” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1999/10/prophets-and-spiritual-mole-crickets?lang=eng
Julie B. Beck, “Teaching the Doctrine of the Family,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng
Quotes from Sister Beck:
“In addition to understanding the theology of the family, we all need to understand the threats to the family. If we don’t, we can’t prepare for the battle. Evidence is all around us that the family is becoming less important. Marriage rates are declining, the age of marriage is rising, and divorce rates are rising. Out-of-wedlock births are growing. Abortion is rising and becoming increasingly legal. We see lower birth rates. We see unequal relationships between men and women, and we see cultures that still practice abuse within family relationships. Many times a career gains importance over the family.”
“We also face the problem that we read about in Ephesians 6:12: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Public policies are being made every day that are antifamily, and the definition of family is changing legally around the world. Pornography is rampant. For those who create pornography, their new target audience is young women. Parents are being portrayed as inept and out of touch. Antifamily media messages are everywhere. Youth are being desensitized about the need to form eternal families.
“Anti-Christ is antifamily. Any doctrine or principle our youth hear from the world that is antifamily is also anti-Christ. It’s that clear. If our youth cease to believe in the righteous traditions of their fathers as did the people described in Mosiah 26, if our youth don’t understand their part in the plan, they could be led away” (Sister Julie B. Beck, “Teaching the Doctrine of the Family,” Ensign, March 2011).
Quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks:
“Satan’s most strenuous opposition is directed at whatever is most important to the Father’s plan. Satan seeks to discredit the Savior and divine authority, to nullify the effects of the Atonement, to counterfeit revelation, to lead people away from the truth, to contradict individual accountability, to confuse gender, to undermine marriage, and to discourage childbearing (especially by parents who will raise children in righteousness)” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “The Great Plan of Happiness,” Ensign, November 1993; https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1993/10/the-great-plan-of-happiness?lang=eng).
Quote from Bishop J. Richard Clarke:
Why is Satan so obsessed with destroying the family?
“Because it [the family] stands for everything he wants and cannot have. He cannot be a husband, a father, or a grandfather. He cannot have posterity now or ever. Satan cannot even keep those he has led away from God” (Bishop J. Richard Clarke, Ensign, May 1989, 60; emphasis added).
Quotes from Elder Boyd K. Packer:
“The ultimate purpose of the adversary…is to disrupt, disturb, and destroy the home and the family. Like a ship without a rudder, without a compass, we drift from the family values which have anchored us in the past. Now we are caught in a current so strong that unless we correct our course, civilization as we know it will surely be wrecked to pieces” (Elder Boyd K. Packer, “The Father and the Family,” Ensign, May 1994, 19-20).
“I know of nothing in the history of the Church or in the history of the world to compare with our present circumstances. Nothing happened in Sodom and Gomorrah which exceeds in wickedness and depravity that which surrounds us now. Words of profanity, vulgarity, and blasphemy are heard everywhere. Unspeakable wickedness and perversion were once hidden in dark places; now they are in the open, even accorded legal protection. At Sodom and Gomorrah these things were localized. Now they are spread across the world, and they are among us” (See https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teaching-seminary-preservice-readings-religion-370-471-and-475/the-one-pure-defense?lang=eng).
Quote from Bishop Victor L. Brown:
“Satan’s legions are many. In their battle to enslave mankind, they use weapons such as selfishness; dishonesty; corruption; sexual impurity, be it adultery, fornication, or homosexuality; pornography; permissiveness; drugs, and many others. I believe Satan’s ultimate goal is to destroy the family, because if he would destroy the family, he will not just have won the battle; he will have won the war” (Bishop Victor L. Brown, Ensign, January 1974, 108; emphasis added).
Quotes from Dr. Bill H. Doherty:
“The forces pulling on families are just too strong in the modern world. Ultimately, we must decide either to steer or to go where the river takes us” (William Doherty, The Intentional Family: How to Build Family Ties in Our Modern World [New York: Addison-Wesley, 1997], 10).
Family scholar, Bill Doherty explained, “Sometimes with my therapy clients, I use an analogy of the Mississippi River, which flows just a couple of miles from my office. I say that family life is like putting a canoe into that great body of water. If you enter the water at St. Paul and don’t do anything, you will head south towards New Orleans. If you want to go north, or even stay at St. Paul, you have to work hard and have a plan. In the same way, if you get married or have a child without working a plan for your family’s journey, you will likely head “south” toward less closeness, less meaning, and less joy over time. A family, like a canoe, must be steered or paddled, or it won’t take you where you want to go. The natural drift of family life in contemporary America is towards slowly diminishing connection, meaning, and community….
“Only an intentional family has a fighting chance to maintain and increase its sense of connection, meaning, and community over the years.
“An Intentional Family is one whose members create a working plan for maintaining and building family ties, and then implement the plan as best as they can. An intentional family rows and steers its boat rather than being moved only by the winds of the current” (William Doherty, The Intentional Family: How to Build Family Ties in Our Modern World [New York: Addison-Wesley, 1997], 8).
Scriptures:
2 Timothy 3:1-5; Ephesians 6:11-18
Research:
In 2012, only 22 percent of American households resembled the traditional 1960s family, with an employed father, and a mother home with children.[1] In fact, in 1958, almost 88 percent of children under the age of 18 lived with two married parents, compared to 65 percent in 2014.[2]
Fewer American’s are marrying, and if they do choose to marry, they are waiting longer to tie the knot. Presently, the median age for first marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men. In 1960, the median age for first marriages was 20 for women and 23 for men.[3] Moreover, in 1960, 68 percent of American “twenty-somethings” were married, but by 2008, that percentage had plummeted to 26 percent. Today, approximately 18 percent of adults younger than the age of 30 are married, compared to 31 percent in 1995.[4] The current marriage rate is 6.1 per 1,000, compared to 9.8 per thousand in the 1990s.[5] Today, 40 percent of American’s believe that marriage has become obsolete.[6]
Moreover, the percentage of Americans who have never been married is at an historic high. In 2012, about 20 percent of adults, 25 years-of-age or older have never been married, compared to 9 percent in 1960.[7] Another study reported that the proportion of women between the ages of 25 to 29 who have never been married increased from 46 percent in 2006 to 60 percent in 2016, “while the proportion of never married between the ages of 30-34 increased from 26 percent in 2006 to 36 percent in 2016.”[8]
If men decide to marry, it is often later in life. For example, among men between the ages of 25 to 29, 71 percent had not married, compared to 60 percent of women. In the cohort of those between the ages of 30 to 34, 46 percent of men had never married, compared to 36 percent of women.[9]
During the 1950s and 60s, married-couple households reached a peak of 66 percent. By 2010, the proportion of married-couple households dropped to 45 percent, and households comprised of single parents and lone individuals accounted for approximately 40 percent of American households.[10]
According to recent data, the divorce rates in the United States are declining. We should not assume, however, that this trend reflects improved marriages. Rather, fewer people are marrying, and many more individuals are cohabitating. For example, in 1980, the United States divorce rate for women 22.8 per 1,000 married women. By 2015, the divorce rate had dropped to 16.9 per 1,000 married women. The current divorce rate is 2.7 per 1,000, compared to 4.0 per 1,000 in 2000.
From 1900 to 2010, the birthrate in America dropped approximately 60 percent, from more than 32 births per 1,000 people in the population to 13.[11] During the year 2018, there were 3,788,235 births in our Nation—down 2 percent from 2017, and the lowest number of births in 32 years.[12] With fluctuations in the economy, and more women in the workforce, birthrates have declined over time. America’s fertility rate was once the envy of the world but has now fallen lower than some European nations. The United States birth rate dropped 4 percent in 2020.[13] For every 1000 women of childbearing age (15-44), 55.8 percent gave birth in 2020, compared to almost 70 percent in 2007—a 20 percent decline.[14] Presently, the American fertility rate is well below the replacement rate of 2.1. In 2007, the fertility rate was 2.12; however, by 2021, the rate dropped to 1.64.[15] Some European countries now have higher fertilities rates than the United States, especially in France and Great Britain.
Researcher Phillip Cohen wrote, “Defined as living together as a sexual or romantic couple without being married, cohabitation has rapidly become an expected stage in relationships for the majority of couples.” The number of couples who cohabitate prior to marriage has increased drastically during the past 50 years. To put in bluntly, several decades ago, very few individuals lived together prior to marriage, and in our modern world, practically everyone does. Lauren Fox reported that cohabitation has increased nearly 900 percent over the past 50 years. We have now reached a point in our Nation’s history where more adults have cohabitated (59 percent) than have been married (50 percent). Put another way, “it’s now more common to have cohabitated than to have married.” Among those between the ages of 18 to 24, cohabitation is more prevalent than being married. Nine percent in this cohort cohabitate with a partner, compared to 7 percent who are married. Furthermore, in 2018, 15 percent of those between the ages of 25-34 live with an unmarried partner, which is a 12 percent increase from 10 years earlier. In fact, in 1970, only .01 percent of those between the ages of 25 to 34 cohabitated, compared to almost 15 percent in 2018. Cohabitating rates are fairly consistent among races, where 8 percent of whites, 7 percent of blacks, 8 percent of Hispanics live with a partner. Asians lag somewhat behind at 3 percent.
The percentage of children living with their father and mother has markedly “shrunk” over time. In 1960, 73 percent of children lived with both of their parents, compared to 46 percent in 2014. Moreover, in 1960, only 9 percent of children lived with a single parent, compared with 26 percent in 2014.[16] In 2011, the percentage of births to unmarried women reached 41 percent,[17] compared to 28 percent in 1990.[18]
Undoubtedly, religious participation and affiliation has been declining in recent years in America. This trend also includes a decrease in church attendance, as well as a diminishing private religious worship, manifested in a lack of belief in God, prayer, and scripture reading.[19] For example, of the silent generation—those born between 1928-1945—85 percent identified as Christians. However, the millennial generation—those born between 1980-1996—only 56 percent affiliate with a Christian religion in the United States.[20] Other researchers have noted “a clear decline in outward religious expression” among young adults, [21] and an overall decline in religious participation among adolescents and they move through the teenage years. The older adolescents become, the less religious they appear to be. For example, those in middle school attend religious services more than seniors in High School.[22]
Enter Generation Z, or the iPhone Generation, those born between 1997 and 2012. This group appears to be less religious than any previous American cohort. “Gen Z” has been categorized as the first “post-Christian” generation in our Nation, where now the percentage of teens who identify as atheist doubles that of the general population (13% of teens vs. 6% of all adults).[23] Although 58 percent of Generation Z self-identify as Christian, only 43 percent have recently attended Church, and only one in eleven “is an ‘engaged Christian,’ with beliefs and practices that put faith front-and-center in their lives. This is a significantly smaller percentage than their grandparents: 14 percent of Boomers are engaged Christians.”[24] Children are sure to follow their non-Christian parents directly out and away from the Church.
Another prevalent trend is that more American adults and adolescents are identifying as “nones”—a term suggesting no religious affiliation. In the early 1980s, more than 90 percent of High School seniors identified with a religious denomination. In fact, during that time, only 10 percent chose “none” as their religious affiliation. However, more recently, 31 percent of High School seniors now identify religiously as “nones.”[25] Dr. James Emery White explained:
The number of “nones” in the 1930s and 1940s hovered around 5 percent. By 1990, that number had risen to only 8.1 percent, a mere 3 percent rise in over half a century. Between 1990 and 2008—just eighteen years—the number of nones nearly doubled, jumping from 8.1 percent to 15 percent. Then in just four short years, it climbed to nearly 20 percent, representing one out of every five Americans. And for adults under the age of thirty, it increased to one out of every three people.[26]
Dr. White argues that presently, nones are the largest religious group in America, and the fastest growing. “More troubling is that of the 85 percent of American adults who were raised Christian, nearly a quarter of them no longer identify with Christianity. Former Christians now represent 19.2 percent of the US population overall. In 2007, 78.4 percent of Americans identified as Christian; by 2014, that percentage was reduced to 70.6 percent—a decrease of 7.8 percent. Meanwhile, in 2007, those who were unaffiliated (nones) made up 16.1 percent of our population; by 2014, that percentage had risen to 22.8 percent—an increase of 6.7 percent. Many from this contemporary generation in homes where there is “no religion whatsoever, [giving them] no experience [and no context] for religion [in their own lives].”
[1] 1960 Census and the 2012 American Community Survey, with data from IPUMS.org
[2] Data for 2008-2015: Child Trends calculations of U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplement. “America's Families and Living Arrangements.” Tables C -2, C -3. Available at: http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/.html. Other Data for 1960-2007: Child Trends calculations using: Living Arrangements of Children Under 18 Years Old: 1960 to Present. Tables CH-1, CH-2, CH-3, CH-4, and Ch-7. U.S. Bureau of the Census, Online. Available: http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/children.html.
[3] US Census Bureau table MS-2; http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/marital.html
[4] Julia Menasce Horowitz, Nikki Graf, and Gretchen Livingston, “Marriage and Cohabitation in the US,” Pew Research Center, 6 November 2019; https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/the-landscape-of-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/
[5] https://www.statista.com/statistics/195951/marriage-rate-in-the-united-states-since-1990/
[6] Pew Research Center, Marriage Becoming Obsolete, 18 November 2010
[7] Pew Research Center analysis of the 1960-2000 decennial census and 2010-2012 American Community Survey, Integrated Public Use Microdata Series (IMUMS); 24 September 2014; https://pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/09/24/record-share-of-americans-have-never-married/
[8] Yeris Mayol-Garcia, Benjamin Gurrentz, & Rose M. Kreider, “Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriage and Divorces: 2016, Current Population Reports, US Department of Commerce, U.S. Census Bureau, April 2021; https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2021/demo/p70-167.pdf
[9] Yeris Mayol-Garcia, Benjamin Gurrentz, & Rose M. Kreider, “Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriage and Divorces: 2016, Current Population Reports, US Department of Commerce, U.S. Census Bureau, April 2021; https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2021/demo/p70-167.pdf
[10] Phillip Cohen, University of Maryland, “Family Diversity is the New Normal for America’s Children,” a briefing paper prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families, 4 September 2014.
[11] Vital Statistics of the United States, Statistical Abstracts of the United States, Current Population Surveys.
[12] Hamiliton et al., “Births: Provisional Data for 2018,” NVSS Vital Statistics Rapid Release, Report No. 007, May 2019; https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr-007-508.pdf
[13] Amanda Barroso, “With a Potential ‘Baby Bust,’ on the Horizon, Key Facts about Fertility in the U.S. Before the Pandemic, Pew Research Center, 7 May 2021; https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/05/07/with-a-potential-baby-bust-on-the-horizon-key-facts-about-fertility-in-the-u-s-before-the-pandemic/
[14] Melissa S. Kearney & Phillip Levine, Brookings Institute, 24 May 2021; https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2021/05/24/will-births-in-the-us-rebound-probably-not/
[15] [15] Melissa S. Kearney & Phillip Levine, Brookings Institute, 24 May 2021; https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2021/05/24/will-births-in-the-us-rebound-probably-not/
[16] Pew Research Center, “Parenting in America: Outlook, worries, aspirations are strongly linked to financial situation,” 17 December 2015, 15.
[17] U.S. Census Bureau, 2011, J. Martin et al., 2013.
[18] Elizabeth Wildsmith, Jennifer Menlove, & Elizabeth Cook, “Dramatic increase in the proportion of births outside of marriage in the United States from 1990 to 2016, Child Trends, 8 August 2016; https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-in-percentage-of-births-outside-marriage-among-whites-hispanics-and-women-with-higher-education-levels
[19] The Barna Group, Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation, [The Barna Group and Impact 360 Institute, 2018], 24-25.
[20] Cooperman, A., Smith, G., & Ritchie, K. (2015). America’s changing religious landscape. Pew Research Center, 11.
[21] Uecker, J.E., Regnerus, M.D., & Vaaler, M.L. (2007). Losing my religion: The social sources of religious decline in early adulthood. Social Forces, 85(4), 1667.
[22] Smith, C., Denton, M.L., Faris, R., & Regnerus, M., (2002). Mapping American adolescent religious participation. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 41(4), 597-612.
[23] Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation, 14.
[24] Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation, 26.
[25] Twenge, J. (2017). IGen: Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious,more tolerant, less happy—and completely unprepared for adulthood (122-123). New York: Atria Books, page number
[26] James Emery White, Meet Generation Z, [Baker Books, 2017], 22.